The news cycle is a relentless, soul-crushing avalanche of doom. Every day, it’s another scandal, another crisis, another reason to stare blankly into the void while clutching your coffee like a lifeline. But don’t worry—I have a solution. No, it’s not therapy, meditation, or throwing my phone into a lake (though that’s tempting). It’s chickens.
Some people have therapy dogs. Some people have stress balls. I have a chicken named Spacey, and honestly, she might be the only thing keeping me sane. If you've never considered an emotional support chicken, let me walk you through why you should.
The Case for Emotional Support Chickens
They Don’t Watch the News
Chickens are blissfully unaware of the state of the world. They don’t care about Supreme Court rulings or budget crises. Their biggest concern is whether you have snacks. They remind us that sometimes, it’s okay to not be plugged in 24/7. Meanwhile, I’m over here refreshing the news like it’s going to suddenly tell me that everything’s fine. Chickens never do that. Chickens just exist in their little feathery bubble of blissful ignorance, and honestly, I admire them for it. If you find yourself spiraling, ask: ‘What would a chicken do?’ Answer: Eat something, flap dramatically, then take a nap. That’s self-care.They’re Fluffy, Warm, and Make Ridiculous Sounds
Science says petting animals reduces stress. Chickens count. Plus, their noises are comedy gold. You can't stay mad at the world when your emotional support chicken is warbling nonsense at you like a tiny, feathered lunatic. If I made the noises my chickens make, people would call for help. But when they do it? Adorable. Comforting, even. A gentle reminder that life doesn’t have to make sense to be enjoyable. Nothing reminds you of life’s simple joys like the sideways stare of a chicken asking why you've allowed yourself to run out of snacks.They Remind You of the Simple Things in Life
Food, sunshine, and annoying your neighbors at dawn with loud noises—what more do you really need? Chickens live in the moment. They aren't doomscrolling. They are not refreshing Twitter. They are out there, being little weirdos, fully present in their chicken-ness. Their entire day revolves around eating, napping, and accusing random objects of being threats. Some of us could stand to embrace a bit more of that energy. If we spent more time finding joy in small things—like a good snack or a nice dust bath—maybe we wouldn’t be so tightly wound. Imagine if world leaders resolved disputes the way chickens do—some puffing up, a little squawking, and then just moving on like nothing happened.They’re Dramatic, But in a Harmless Way
Unlike certain political figures, a chicken’s freak-outs are harmless. A slight breeze can send them flapping and squawking like the world is ending, but five seconds later, they’re fine. If only human meltdowns were so easy to recover from. Imagine if, instead of Twitter feuds and press conferences, politicians just ran in frantic circles for 20 seconds and then went back to pecking at the ground like nothing happened. The world would be a much calmer place. Chickens don’t have an opinion on inflation. They just want corn prices to stay reasonable.
The Emotional Support Chicken Starter Pack
If you want to fully embrace the emotional support chicken lifestyle, here’s what you’ll need:
A physical chicken (ideal but not required, though HOA rules may apply)
A stash of emergency snacks (because stress and hunger are a dangerous mix)
A comfortable place to stare blankly into the distance, contemplating existence
A firm grasp of when to squawk loudly and when to just fluff your feathers and walk away
A general disregard for the opinions of turkeys, ducks, and political pundits
Applying the “Emotional Support Chicken” Method to Your Own Life
Even if you don’t have access to a real chicken, you can still embrace the emotional support chicken lifestyle:
Step away from the chaos and go scratch in the dirt (metaphorically). Take a walk, do something tactile, get out of the Twitter spiral. If chickens had social media, they’d just peck at their screens for 30 seconds and then wander off to eat a bug. Consider this wisdom.
Find joy in the small stuff. Chickens aren’t stressing about global catastrophes. They just want snacks and a good dust bath. Maybe we could learn from that. When was the last time you did something purely because it delighted you? Be more like the chicken. Take the nap. Eat the treat. Yell at an inanimate object if you must.
Be loud when necessary, but know when to just fluff your feathers and move on. Not every fight is worth losing your peace over. Some things deserve squawking. Some things do not. If chickens had Twitter, they’d tweet once, maybe twice, then go about their day. Be like that.
Get offline and touch some grass (or feathers). Sometimes, the best response to the madness is just stepping away. Find something tangible to do—bake bread, plant something, or if you must argue with strangers, do it in person where it’s at least mildly productive.
Final Thoughts From the Coop
The world is a mess, but take it from the chickens: Focus on what you can control. Eat well, stretch your legs, scream into the void if you must, but don’t let the foxes in the henhouse steal your peace.
We may not all have access to real emotional support chickens, but we can learn from them. Step away, breathe, and remember—life’s too short to be mad online all the time. And if all else fails, just make some ridiculous noises and move on. It works for chickens, and they seem pretty content with life.